Lily's Last Request
by afish.2far
Summary: Severus is berating himself for what happened to Lily when a letter turns up and changes his whole outlook on life. One-shot.


**A/N** So this came into my head as I was trying to work on other things. I've been having problems just recently with ideas for any more stories so I thought maybe writing this one-shot might help. I hope you enjoy it :)

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**Lily's Last Request**

Severus slammed the door to his quarters and angrily warded it. He stormed over to the floo and extinguished that as well before turning all of the paintings to the wall with one flick of his wand. Noone would be disturbing him tonight.

With that done, he felt his anger leave him. He sagged into his living room armchair and put his head in his hands, for the first time in many years letting his emotions overwhelm him. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs and the sleeves on his robe were soon sodden with tears. Lily, his Lily was gone. Gone without him ever being able to apologise to her, without knowing his true feelings for her, gone thinking he was a Death Eater. She was gone because of him.

A new wave of tears and sobbing overcame him and he just sat there muttering "Lily, I'm so sorry Lily" whenever he had breath to do so. As his sobs subsided his thoughts travelled to the events previously that evening.

He had apparated to Godric's Hollow as soon as he had been able, but all he had found was devastation. The front room had been entirely blown apart, the roof had come down and everything in it destroyed and covered with rubble. Some of Lily's favourite treasures were in that room he remembered. He had beaten everyone else there, including Albus, who had found him cradling Lily's body in her son's nursery, completely oblivious to the chaos and destruction around him, or the little boy's crying. Albus had persuaded Severus to leave just before the Ministry turned up, him being marked and at the scene of a double murder would not look good. The old man might have said some other things as well, but Severus did not know what. He had left though, which led to him now, sat in his shirt and trousers, bawling into his hands.

He didn't know how long he sat there crying, remembering, and hating himself. It could have been half an hour; it could have been half a day for all Severus knew. Suddenly a letter appeared, hovering in front of his face. _Severus Snape _was written on the front of the envelope in a very familiar hand. A hand belonging to the person he had just spent the last however long thinking about. Severus opened the letter with shaking hands. What could Lily have to say to him, that she would need to let him know from beyond the grave? He raised the paper up to his face - it even smelled like her. He savoured the moment before deciding he should probably read what she had sent him. It was the first proper contact he had had with her since that fateful day in fifth year when he had called her _that_ name and she had gone off with Potter. He lowered his eyes to the parchment.

_Darling Sev_

_You must be upset right now, I know. I thought that I might not live out this war, especially when that prophecy turned up. I have died, most likely been murdered by Voldemort himself and I have left my little boy with no mother. If he is still alive, please Sev, take care of him. Frank and Alice no longer can and I do not think Sirius would make a good guardian however much James disagrees. I gave up my life to save Harry's - the charm is _Valar Morghulis_ if you're interested - I need to know that he will be safe and cared for. I need you to give him the love I cannot, bring him up to be the man he should be._

_Albus knows of blood wards and has probably taken Harry to my sister's so that there he can be "protected". He knew I would die for my boy, I loved Harry more than anything else in the world. Please Sev, I beg you, don't let my baby grow up there. They won't want anything to do with him. They will treat him like she treated me after I started Hogwarts and he will have no-one to turn to. Protection at that cost is not worth it, to him or me._

_I do not hold a grudge against you for calling me a mudblood, nor for becoming a Death Eater, nor even for telling Voldemort of the prophecy that led to my death. I have always loved you Sev, ever since you first showed me magic that day by the stream. I forgave you long ago, but pride and James meant I could not tell you. It is one of my greatest regrets that we parted on bad terms. Please do not beat yourself up about what happened, it is not entirely your fault._

_If I mean anything to you Sev, please, look after my baby. Look after him as if he were yours, put aside your grudge against James, let Harry refer to you as Dad. Then you will always have something to remember me by. You can mould Harry into the man you want him to be, as you would have done our child. James always said the only thing that was similar between them was the looks, that his personality was all me. Please Sev, please, look after him and you might get something out of it as well._

_I wish you a long and happy life. I hope that you can find love again and that someone comes along to crack open the emotionless man you have become. _

_All my love_

_Lily_

Severus sat there feeling numb. Lily didn't hate him for what he did. Not only did she know what he had done, but she forgave him and had done some time ago. His thoughts trundled to what life might have been like had he not been led astray by Lucius Malfoy or James Potter. He could have had Lily and a family. It wouldn't do to dwell on what-ifs but Lily had made it quite clear that he could still have some of that idyll if he were willing. He could be a father to her son. He could have a family. Even if she weren't there, her being Harry's mum would make her closer to him than she had been in years.

Spies couldn't have families, he was aware of that. But what was he spying for? He had agreed because that was the cost Dumbledore had requested for keeping Lily safe. Well, he thought bitterly, you didn't keep your side of the bargain, why should I keep mine? The Dark Lord would be more of a problem, Severus knew, but hopefully he wouldn't have to cross that bridge for quite some time. He was gone for now.

Lily was the only good thing that had happened in his life. She was the reason he wasn't entirely off the rails, hadn't gone entirely dark. She was the one who had kept him grounded during their early school years and reminded him of life's small pleasures - a winter walk around the lake, the sunset over the forest on a clear night, days spent idling in the sunshine. James Potter might have fathered the boy, but he would have had only one year to influence the boy's character and even that influence would be tempered by Lily. What else did he have to live for? Why couldn't he just start again? Could he be a father? He certainly had no experience of what a good father would be, but he had plenty of what not to be. Lily had asked him this one thing. After everything she had given him and what he had given back in return, Severus couldn't refuse. He would have to leave Britain, but there was nothing but bad memories here for him anyway. He could start his own potions business, a thing he had always dreamed of. A small smile crept over his face at that thought.

A few waves of his wand later and all of his possessions were stored in a trunk. He shrunk it and pocketed it before moving to his personal lab and repeating the task. Pack, shrink, pocket. When everything he could possibly want was collected he unwarded his door, relocked it behind him and strode out of the castle. The rest of the staff would question his absence later on, but right now he couldn't care. He had a son to pick up and a life to live.


End file.
